Permission to Play: Supporting Growth and Connection Through Joy and Fun

Part 6 of the Littles and Middles series

To read the intro post for this series, click here: Introducing "Littles and Middles”: Parallels between Early Childhood and Early Adolescence

For Part 1, click here: Building Strong Relationships: The Heart of Healthy Development for Littles and Middles

For Part 2, click here: Empowering Autonomy: Skill-Building for Independence

For Part 3, click here: Small Steps, Big Impact: The Magic of Daily Routines & Rituals for Kids

For Part 4, click here: Managing Big Feelings: Emotions Are Essential, Not the Enemy

For Part 5, click here: Teaching Children About Consent: The Power of "No" and the Right to Opt Out

The other day, I watched my toddler playing with her figurines on the kitchen counter. She set one of the animals—a dog—off to the side and announced, “Needs space. He hit.” Then she added, with surprising authority, “Doggy’s not listening. He needs to behave.”

After delivering this stern correction, she leaned in close to another figure and whispered something only the two of them could hear. It was clear she was reenacting moments she’d witnessed at "school" (daycare)—testing out language, processing emotions, and practicing how to respond to behavior that crossed a boundary.

What looked like simple pretend play was something much deeper: an internalization of social scripts, a rehearsal of real-life scenarios, and a glimpse into how she’s learning to navigate her world. This is the power of play. Play isn’t just silly or sweet. It’s how children—whether they’re two or twelve—make sense of the world, their relationships, and themselves.

We often think of play as the domain of early childhood: the finger painting, block building, couch-cushion-fort kind of play. But play is essential across the developmental spectrum—even (and maybe especially) during the turbulent, in-between years of early adolescence. In both toddlers and tweens, play supports the development of core skills, meets deep emotional needs, and strengthens relationships with adults and peers. Understanding what play does can help us prioritize it—even when it feels inconvenient, silly, or hard to make time for.

What might look like simple pretend play is actually something much deeper: an internalization of social scripts, a rehearsal of real-life scenarios, and a glimpse into how a child is learning to navigate their world.

Why Play Matters in Early Childhood

For young children, play isn’t just fun—it’s their primary mode of learning. Through play, children:

• Develop cognitively by solving problems, exploring their environment, and exercising imagination. Pretend scenarios stretch creative thinking and critical reasoning. Language blossoms during conversations with playmates—real or imaginary.

• Grow socially as they practice cooperation, take turns, share, and resolve conflicts. Through role play, toddlers can explore different perspectives and build empathy.

• Build emotional intelligence by expressing feelings, coping with frustration, and making sense of their world. Big movement play can help them process stress and restore calm. Emotional play allows children to externalize the internal—to show us what they’re working through inside.

• Strengthen their bodies, both through gross motor play like running and climbing and fine motor play like stacking blocks or coloring. Active play supports balance, coordination, and muscle development in ways screen-based or passive activities simply can’t, but the key to managing them is to talk about them. When we help kids name their emotions and express them, it is easier to decide what strategies will help them cope. Everything feels better when it’s out in the open rather than bubbling inside.

Play as a Relationship Tool

While play with other children is important, play with caregivers is just as—if not more—vital. Adults create the emotional safety needed to take risks, try new roles, and make mistakes. Even ten minutes of undistracted play can do more to reset a difficult day than an hour of nagging or correction.

But let’s be honest: sometimes it’s hard to want to play. We’re tired. We have things to do. We’re not always sure how. (Am I really supposed to pretend I’m a dog right now?) And yet, entering a child’s world through play can be one of the most direct routes to connection.

Play lets us:

• Rebuild attachment after separation or conflict

• Coach new skills in a low-stakes, engaging way (e.g., potty learning, bedtime routines)

• Model emotional regulation and flexible thinking

• Turn tense moments into opportunities for cooperation through playful redirection

Think quality over quantity. A few minutes of "special time"—where you put down your phone, ignore your to-do list, and give your child your full attention—can transform your relationship. Prioritizing moments before separation and times of reunion are a great place to start (see my thoughts on the magic of the first and last five minutes here).

Play in Early Adolescence: Still Critical, Just Different

Adolescents often move away from imaginative pretend play, but their need for playful connection doesn’t disappear—it just evolves. For tweens and early teens, play looks like:

• Creative experimentation: building, tinkering, writing, gaming, or performing

• Social games: board games, card games, sports, role-playing, collaborative storytelling

• Physical outlets: dancing, skateboarding, hiking, or obstacle courses

• Light-hearted banter: inside jokes, goofy challenges, or harmless pranks

Just like in early childhood, these forms of play help middles process big emotions, strengthen peer relationships, try out different identities, release stress, and build confidence. 

And just like with littles, play with adults matters. Playing a round of Uno after dinner or goofing off on a walk can be a low-pressure way for tweens to reconnect with caregivers when talking feels too vulnerable. Seeking micro-moments of playfulness with adolescents is like making small investments that can pay big dividends.

Barriers to Play—and How to Push Back

Unfortunately, not every child has equal access to safe, open-ended play. Systemic issues like limited green space, lack of community resources, or overpacked schedules often get in the way. So can an overreliance on screens or structured activities.

As adults, we can advocate for and prioritize play by:

• Carving out unscheduled time

• Creating simple rituals (family game night, after-school park visits)

• Choosing toys and tools that invite imagination, not ones that dictate how to play

• Encouraging screen-free periods each day

• Making room for outdoor play during the day, especially in early childhood (research tells us it promotes emotional regulation and cognitive development)

Making Room for Play in Schools: Practical Ideas for Educators

In structured learning environments like schools, play is often squeezed out by academic pressure, rigid schedules, or the assumption that it's only for recess or the very young. But incorporating play—even in small ways—can enhance engagement, deepen understanding, and build classroom community.

Here are some ideas for bringing play into the classroom:

For Early Childhood Educators (Pre-K to 2nd Grade):

• Dramatic play centers tied to thematic units (e.g., a pretend grocery store during a unit on food, or a veterinarian clinic during a science unit on animals)

• Story-based movement breaks (e.g., act out a story with full-body motions, or pretend to move like different animals or weather)

• Learning games for math and literacy: scavenger hunts, matching games, or hands-on manipulatives used in playful ways

• Free choice play time that honors student agency, with rotating materials to spark creativity

For Upper Elementary and Middle Grades:

• Gamify review or practice: Use Jeopardy-style quizzes, Kahoot!, or escape-room style challenges to reinforce academic content

• Creative constraints: Invite students to build, draw, write, or role-play with unusual parameters ("Create a skit that shows a historical event… as a cooking show")

• Incorporate role play and simulation into social studies, science, or literature (e.g., mock trials, model UNs, business pitches, historical reenactments)

• Genius Hour or Maker Time: Let students follow their curiosity with time set aside for independent or collaborative projects

• Low-stakes creative competitions: Build the tallest tower from recycled materials, write a silly poem with random words, or create the most convincing invention

For All Grade Levels:

• Use play as transition support: Short, playful rituals (like dance parties or “brain breaks”) between tasks or subjects can reset focus and energy

• Bring humor and lightness into classroom culture: joke or question of the day, funny voices for read-alouds, or personalized handshake greetings build connection and set a playful tone

• Model curiosity and experimentation: when educators engage playfully, it signals to students that it is safe space for them to let their guard down to play as well

Adults Need Play, Too

Here’s the secret: play isn’t just for kids. Grown-ups also need play for stress relief, joy, and connection. Whether it’s trying a new recipe, playing pickup basketball, gardening, or hosting a game night, adult play keeps us emotionally agile and mentally sharp. And it models a crucial life skill: that joy and learning go hand in hand.

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Want to learn more?

• Check out Supporting Children’s Learning Through Play from ChildCare.gov for more information and helpful resources

• Check out the documentary film Playing for Keeps to discover how play is a powerful antidote to stress through high-performing individuals who prioritize play as essential to a happier life.

  
  

Keep the conversation going in the comments below or over on Instagram to share the role of play in your own life.